Therapist Shares 5 Phrases To Use When Teens 'Talk Back'

When teens talk back, how can parents respond?Oh, how the tables have turned. You were a teen once, staying out late and getting into trouble – and now you’re parenting one. And boy, were you not prepared for the talking back. If this sounds painfully familiar, a therapist has shared five responses parents can use in situations where a teenager is being disrespectful – whether that’s a rude response to being asked to do something, or a mildly infuriating eye-roll. In a TikTok video, therapist and school psychologist Dr Kimberley Palmiotto, said how we handle talking back “determines how the trajectory of the communication [with our teen] goes in the future”.The therapist, who runs Nurturing Girls, which helps mums and teen daughters manage their relationships, recommended the following responses when teens talk back: “Try again, please.”“You’re allowed to be frustrated but I can’t hear you when you talk to me that way.”“Your message is getting lost with your tone.”“I’m not sure you intended to respond like that, but it didn’t feel good.”“It sounds like this is really upsetting you... let’s take a break.”Parents loved the recommendations, with some admitting they already use some of the phrases.“I use the ‘try again please’ all the time,” said one mum. “My girl knows that means we need to reset and then we act like we’re rewinding a cassette.”Another said: “I used ‘try again’ and also ‘excuse me?’. They knew.”“I used ‘I can’t hear you when you talk to me that way’ with my sons,” said another parent.Others were simply grateful for the advice. “Thank you,” said one parent. “My daughter is 14 and lately the back talk has been so bad.”Experts agree that keeping calm and responding respectfully yet firmly to back-talk is best.The advice isn’t just limited to teens, either. In a separate TikTok video, Mike Wallach, who runs Apparently Parenting, said the phrase “try again” can be used for children of all ages if they’re being disrespectful or rude. And the parenting coach added that this can be used in a variety of scenarios, such as “when they slam the door, when they yell back ‘no’, when they’re playing too rough [or] when they snatch a toy out of someone’s hand”.“They immediately know what needs to be done to change their behaviour,” he explained.Why do teens talk back?Talking back is a normal part of teen development as they learn to assert their independence and communicate their (sometimes very strong) opinions. In some cases they might feel frustrated or powerless over something and their response comes out, well, snarky. In a piece for Psychology Today, psychologist Carl Pickhardt advised parents to reframe “talking back” as “speaking up in disagreement”.“They [parents] need to treat it as an opportunity to hear and talk and work some difference out. They need to remind themselves that talking back is talking, and assuming this is done with a respectful choice of words, such communication is worth attending to and valuing,” he said. Pickhardt added that when kids do talk back, parents can “listen in disagreement”, because sometimes teens just want to have their grievances heard – and “listening parents are often more likely to get their way”.Duly noted.Related...Martin Lewis Urges Parents Of Teens To Do 1 Thing When They Turn 18AIBU For Not Packing My Teens' And Husband's Suitcases For Holiday?WTF Does 'Crashing Out' Mean When Teens Say It?

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Therapist Shares 5 Phrases To Use When Teens 'Talk Back'

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