There's A Reason Your Child's After-School Meltdowns Are So Explosive

So many of us have been there: you’ve picked your kids up from school (or childcare) and they’ve got out of the car, only to have three tantrums en route from the vehicle to your front door. There is crying, there is screaming, a bag has been thrown to the ground. You know your child is probably hungry. They’re likely tired, too. But is there something else going on to cause these volcanic-scale emotional eruptions?If the above resonates, your child is likely experiencing what’s been dubbed after-school restraint collapse. What does that mean?Your child’s teacher might constantly praise them for being “good as gold”, but when your child gets home, they seem anything but. So, what’s behind the huge shift?Susie Pinchin, BACP member and therapeutic counsellor, told HuffPost UK these issues likely occur as a result of a child “having spent seven hours or more having to control or suppress or mask their natural urges and desires in order to conform to the expectations of a school day”.This conforming doesn’t necessarily start at school either. “It can actually start from when they wake up on a school day with instructions from parents to get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, pack your bag etc., before they even leave home,” Pinchin said.“The instructions on how to behave are then even more enforced from teachers who have a whole class to keep safe and teach.”Your child’s brain is working at full capacity for hours on end, expending “a great deal of emotional, cognitive, and social energy to scan, learn, manage expectations, follow rules, and navigate relationships”, Dr Patapia Tzotzoli, clinical psychologist and founder of My Triage Network, told HuffPost UK.So it’s no wonder then that they return home depleted. And if your child is neurodivergent, they might’ve used up even more mental energy on masking, learning and trying to fit in, “so the pressure cooker effect may be even more intensified”, said Pinchin.Once home time arrives, “everything that was held in then comes out, sometimes in an explosive way,” explained the counsellor. “The lid is off and the ability to emotionally regulate doesn’t seem to exist anymore.”Is it stressful? Is it ever. But it’s also kind of a big deal (and a credit to your parenting) that your child feels able to let go once they get home.“Parents and caregivers are their safe space to release all those pent up emotions and behaviours that had to be kept in check all day,” said Pinchin. How to help children through itWe now know why kids do it. But how can parents help when their children enter this emotion-filled state?Well, it very much depends on your child and what they respond best to. Here’s what experts recommend.1. Lead with connection, not questionsIf the first thing you’re asking your kid when you pick them up from school is “how was your day?”, you might need to give this a rethink. Dr Tzotzoli advises creating a small ritual, like a silly handshake, to “reset the tone for the rest of the day” as soon as you pick them up. “Children often respond well to humour and music, so try sharing something funny from your day, singing a tune, or playfully mirroring their mood,” she said. “In other words, skip the rapid-fire questions and focus on connection first.”2. Create a buffer zone immediately after pick-upForget after-school chats or homework, Dr Tzotzoli advises letting go of expectations about what your child should do right after school and protecting the next hour as a “recalibration window”.Initially, you could try asking: “Would you like some space, something to do, or to talk with me?”Giving choice is crucial here, as Pinchin explained: “After being told what to do all day, that feeling of choice ... allows the child or young person (CYP) to feel they have some control back”.Dr Tzotzoli recommended a few options you could offer that might help: A quiet space to rest or engage in a calm activity aloneTime to play outdoors – running, biking, or other active play A nutritious snack to refuel A gentle discussion with questions like, “What made you laugh today?”“Every child is different, so observe and experiment to see what helps them decompress – over time, you’ll learn what works best,” she said.Age can also affect the behaviour, Pinchin noted. While younger children might just want to sit and have a snack, teenagers may just withdraw.“It’s probably best to let them go and listen to their music or whatever (limiting screen time is ideal, but we have to be realistic) whilst always allowing them to know you are available if needed,” said the counsellor.And once you’ve figured out what works best, make it their regular after-school buffer for a smoother transition from school to home.3. Protect the bond Look, we get it, this time is hard. Your child is shouting and screaming, you’ve had A Day yourself, everyone is tired and overstimulated, and it all feels too much. Pinchin said sometimes it can be helpful to simply acknowledge what you see without offering a solution. Let them feel the emotions and know it’s OK for them to do so. Meanwhile, Dr Tzotzoli advises maintaining eye contact, offering gentle physical touch, and staying emotionally available. “If they start sharing, validate their feelings with phrases like ‘Sounds like you had a long day’. Keep interactions light, playful, and warm to foster emotional safety,” she said. “This helps your child feel in control and regulate when needed from a place of love, not fear or shame.”Related...Meltdowns In Kids With AuDHD Are Never 'A Choice'. This 1 Response Can Help'My 5-Year-Old Does This 1 Thing Before Bed And It's Banished Bedtime Meltdowns'This 1 Response To Toddler Tantrums Will 'Change Your Life'

Comments

Breaking news

Lewis Capaldi Describes Glastonbury As 'Best Day' Of His Life (Over 'Having A Child')

Huffpost uk

Comments

Breaking news

Lewis Capaldi Describes Glastonbury As 'Best Day' Of His Life (Over 'Having A Child')

Keir Starmer Is Right To Point The Finger Of Blame At The Tories For Afghan Data Leak Scandal

6,500,000 people had their details stolen after Co-op cyber attack

What changes in ISAs could mean for you and where you should invest

Triple murderer Nicholas Prosper spared whole life sentence after appeal refused

Urgent recall of Dubai chocolate that doesn’t declare it contains peanuts

Uranus is hotter and leakier than we realised

At least 20 Palestinians killed in crush at Gaza aid site

Edmunds three-row hybrid SUV test: Kia Sorento vs Toyota Highlander

Israel targets Syrian capital after days of sectarian fighting

Swinney accuses Reeves of ‘channelling Thatcher’ with financial reforms

Emma Watson banned from driving for six months after speeding

Captain Tom’s daughter joins TikTok as ‘resilience coach’ after charity controversy

Did Trump’s uncle teach the Unabomber? No. Here’s what really happened

Voices: Inflation has delivered a nasty shock – but don’t panic just yet...

Live: Starmer faces questions in final PMQs before summer recess

The Latest: 20 die in stampede at Gaza food distribution site as Israeli strikes kill 41 others

Emilie Kiser’s husband could face child abuse charges over child’s drowning death

Where inflation jumped in June – and where it eased

Skin cancer peaks in summer – so why is early detection still an afterthought?

The most innovative sustainable packaging is here

The smarter vehicle tech that’s keeping British fleets safer on the road

Delivering nationwide maintenance solutions with speed, quality and trust

What does a buoyant market mean for property developers?

Why the North needs a headstart to tackle the housing shortage

Growing use of bridging loans to prevent residential collapse

The £200 billion landbank that could boost the UK’s housing supply

Why bridging loans can help boost new-build profits

Bridging loans forecast to hit £12 billion in 2025

Warning over ‘contaminated’ tomatoes sold across UK

Iran seizes foreign tanker smuggling 2 million litres of fuel

France, UK and Germany set deadline to restore UN sanctions on Iran

Nissan to close flagship factory with 3,900 workers to cut costs

Netflix Finally Gave Fans A Huge Stranger Things Season 5 Update — Here’s What We Know

Measles Is Hitting This Age Group The Hardest In England This Year

John Torode And Gregg Wallace May Have Left The BBC With A Very Practical MasterChef Dilemma

Deaths, fires and prison breaks: The mystery behind the eerie Annabelle doll

M25 drivers face 90 minute delays after van overturns in serious crash

Donald Trump baby balloon could take to the skies again when President visits UK

Five key questions answered about the Trump administration’s Epstein files chaos

Will interest rates be cut in August? The key factors for the Bank of England and 2025 predictions

More than a quarter of British pubs have closed since 2000. Here’s why

Three Republican senators break with Trump to vote against codifying DOGE spending cuts

Barclays fined £42m by watchdog over money laundering checks

Russia launches new attacks on Ukraine with the countdown to a US peace deadline underway

New hosepipe ban announced as a million more Britons hit by water restrictions

Dolphins learn to wear sponges ‘like a clown nose’ to hunt fish

UK politics live: Defence minister warns ‘accountability starts now’ after Afghan data breach

Why Camilla is being given a high-ranking naval title

Trump says ‘only bad people’ want to keep ‘boring’ Epstein case going

Hundreds of children to be tested for sexually transmitted infections in Australia amid childcare abuse case

UK lifts years-long ban on Pakistani airlines after improvement in air safety standards

New protein-packed frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwiches coming to Walmart

Vance Boelter told Kash Patel in letter that Gov. Tim Walz told him to kill Democratic lawmakers: report

Urgent ‘do not eat’ warning issued as viral Dubai-style chocolate bar recalled

How climate change could force FIFA to rethink the World Cup calendar

Court hears bid to raise triple killer’s sentence to whole-life term

Asda fined £640,000 for selling over 100 out-of-date food items

Firefighters have battled more wildfires in London this summer than the whole of 2024

Why has inflation risen unexpectedly and what does it mean for households?