‘You Feel Like You’re Good For Nothing’: The Behaviour Hurting Kids As Much As Physical Abuse

Experiencing childhood verbal abuse shows a similar impact to mental health in adulthood as physical abuse, according to a study published in the BMJ Open.Verbal abuse alone was linked to a 64% increase in the likelihood of low mental well-being in adulthood, while physical abuse was linked to a 52% increase, the study found.Experiencing both types of abuse more than doubled the risk of poor mental health later in life.The research also revealed rates of verbal abuse have been rising since the 1950s, increasing from 12% to nearly 20%. Physical abuse, meanwhile, has declined significantly – having halved from 20% to 10%.Professor Mark Bellis, lead author of the study and Director of Research and Innovation at Liverpool John Moores University, said: “Our research shows that verbal abuse in childhood may inflict mental health scars as deep and enduring as those caused by physical abuse.“Important progress has been made in reducing physical abuse, but verbal abuse is often overlooked. This study suggests verbal abuse has risen in the latter half of the 20th century eroding the long-term mental health benefits we should see from reducing physical abuse.”Two in five children (41%) have experienced verbal abuse from the adults around them, a survey by the charity Words Matter previously found. Parents, carers, teachers, friends’ parents, and activity leaders were the primary sources, the poll of 1,000 young people aged 11-17 years old found. The impact of verbal abuseVerbal abuse can affect a child’s self-esteem and confidence, their future potential, and ability to function at home, school, the workplace and in social situations.It has also been linked to poor mental health – the new study linked it to lower mental well-being in adulthood – and can even change the normal workings of the brain.Words Matter’s survey revealed that toxic language can leave children feeling sad, depressed and humiliated. One girl, aged 16, who took part in the survey, said: “I carry this fear with me that everything adults say about me is true.”An 18-year-old boy added: “If a parent says you’re useless, it makes you feel like you are good for nothing.”In addition, 46% doubted themselves, 46% felt anxious, 45% felt ashamed, 44% felt embarrassed, 32% felt isolated and 23% felt frightened as a result of verbal abuse.The most hurtful words and phrases for childrenChildren were asked what words were the most hurtful and upsetting. The top five are:‘You’re useless’‘You’re stupid’ ‘You can’t do anything right’ ‘You’re worthless’ ‘I’m ashamed of you’The most helpful words and phrases for childrenPositive words can have a huge impact on a child’s feelings about themselves. According to the children surveyed, the top five most helpful and encouraging words are:‘I am proud of you’ ‘You can do it’‘I believe in you’ ‘I’m here for you’ ‘It’s OK to make mistakes, you can learn from them’ Nearly two thirds of children said hearing these words and phrases made them feel encouraged, happy, good about themselves, loved/liked, and confident.Responding to the latest study, Jessica Bondy, founder of Words Matter, said it “confirms what survivors and professionals have long known: words can wound deeply and have a lasting impact on a child’s mental health and development”.She continued: “We all get overloaded sometimes, but too many are turning to harsh words without realising the lasting damage they cause to children. Any gains made in reducing physical abuse risk being undone by rising rates of verbal abuse.“We must act now to confront the lasting harm caused by cruel, critical, or controlling language. We need to build children up – not knock them down. The mental health of the next generation and our shared future depend on it.”Help and support:Childline - free and confidential support for young people in the UK - 0800 1111Mind, open Monday to Friday, 9am-6pm on 0300 123 3393.Samaritans offers a listening service which is open 24 hours a day, on 116 123 (UK and ROI - this number is FREE to call and will not appear on your phone bill).CALM (the Campaign Against Living Miserably) offer a helpline open 5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, on 0800 58 58 58, and a webchat service.The Mix is a free support service for people under 25. Call 0808 808 4994 or email [email protected] Mental Illness offers practical help through its advice line which can be reached on 0808 801 0525 (Monday to Friday 10am-4pm). More info can be found on rethink.org.Related...'Help! I'm Worried My Child Won't Stand Up For Herself'Should Kids Give Up Train Seats For Adults? Commuter's Comments Divide ParentsParents Are Cracking Eggs On Toddlers' Heads For Views – And It's As Mean As It Sounds

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‘You Feel Like You’re Good For Nothing’: The Behaviour Hurting Kids As Much As Physical Abuse

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