'Left To Cope Alone': The Hidden Crisis Facing Motherless Mothers

“Finding out I was pregnant was one of the happiest moments of my life, and one of the loneliest,” said Louise Kirby-Jones.“All I wanted was my mum beside me. Motherhood reopened every part of my grief.”Just over a quarter (27%) of mums in the UK are motherless – yet the impact of entering motherhood without the emotional or practical support of their own mums is rarely spoken about.Kirby-Jones used her experience of postpartum loneliness and grief to co-found The Motherless Mothers (TMM), an online community of women without mums – whether that’s because they have died or are estranged, sick or live far away – who support one another. “Every year, millions of women become mothers without the support of their own,” said Kirby-Jones. “Yet our healthcare system doesn’t even ask about it.“I know first-hand how that silence makes us feel, invisible, misunderstood, and left to cope alone. If we want to improve maternal mental health, we have to start by recognising grief as part of the story.”A new study, The Hidden Crisis Of Motherless Mothers, produced by Peanut and TMM, reveals how maternal loss dramatically increases the risk of postnatal depression, anxiety and isolation, yet remains largely invisible in UK maternal care.Most (81% of) motherless mothers report perinatal mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression.Yet three-quarters said no healthcare professional has ever asked if they have maternal support.Many (85%) agreed that pregnancy and early motherhood “reopened” their grief, while just over two-thirds (68%) said their grief was misunderstood or dismissed as postnatal depression.Grief doesn’t disappear when a baby arrives – if anything, it deepensStephanie Blamires, a specialist antenatal and newborn screening midwife, said: “The loss of a mother doesn’t disappear with time; in fact, it often resurfaces powerfully during pregnancy, birth, and the early weeks of parenting, when women are most vulnerable.“Yet our healthcare system rarely asks the questions that could uncover this silent risk.“There’s no routine screening, no dedicated pathway, and little understanding of how deeply mother loss can impact mental health, bonding, and identity in motherhood.”But the midwife, who is a “motherless mother”, said with small, thoughtful changes, like “asking the right questions early on” and “creating space for these conversations”, we can prevent these women from “falling through the cracks”.The new report wants the NHS to adopt grief-aware care, recognising maternal loss as a key social determinant of health. They want to see mothers asked “Do you have practical and emotional support from your mother or a maternal figure?” at antenatal and postnatal appointments, as well as specialist training for clinicians, midwives, GPs, and health visitors to recognise grief and respond compassionately.There have also been calls for more funding for peer and counselling pathways, like those run by The Motherless Mothers, for women facing loss, estrangement or illness.“It takes a village to raise a mother, not just a child,” said Peanut’s founder and CEO, Michelle Kennedy. “When a third of women are missing the most fundamental pillar of that village, their mum, it’s time we build systems that fill that gap.”HuffPost UK has contacted NHS England for comment and will update the piece when we hear back. Related...My Wife Of 52 Years Just Died. My Grief Is So Overwhelming, I Can Barely Cope.Jennifer Lawrence Gets Real About 1 Aspect Of Motherhood That’s ‘Extremely Isolating’UK’s ‘Devastating’ Paternity Leave Is Failing Mums In Their Moment Of Need

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